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Negatives to Positives – Ben’s Blog Challenge 2016 – Day 1

ITS BOOKED!!

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Its official – I have now booked my charity skydive! But more about this later.

I just wanted to write a post, as I haven’t written for a while and wanted to update you all, as my wonderful friends as to where I am with everything.

I won’t lie, I have been finding things with Dad pretty tough at the moment; I have been struggling with the psychological side of his death and that has not been easy. BUT I just want to say, that I know that I am in a better position than some people.  And don’t get me wrong, I know that I am very lucky in comparison to others.

To those of you out that there are struggling with life, school or work; to those of you out there that are dealing with a recent loss or sudden illness of a family member; to those of you out there that are struggling with mental health – I salute you! I promise you that no matter how well you think that you are doing, you are doing exceedingly well. It might not seem like it now, but one day things will get better; just don’t expect a miracle to happen over night.

Some of you reading this are my closest friends, some of you I know professionally and others of you I have never met; but I want to thank you all for the support that you have given my blog thus far and the support that you continue to give it. Those closest to me will know that I really do struggle to talk about my emotions and feelings in person – and unfortunately this is not healthy. I know it sounds silly, but I do this to protect myself, if I don’t put up my defences, I feel exposed and liable to being knocked over by myself. Which is why I try to express myself on here; I can tell people my feelings without feeling exposed. So your comments of support really do mean a lot to me! Thank you for all of them.

As I have mentioned before, I have received a fair bit of criticism from a small group of individuals for authoring this blog, because they feel that I am just trying to be the centre of attention; trust me that is the last thing that I want. I am just trying to express myself. So if you are one of those people, I suggest that you stop reading now and visit this page here….http://cdn.meme.am/instances/24950093.jpg – if you support me and want to read it to see what I think about those who don’t support me, feel free!

So just a quick update about where I am with things at the moment; firstly lets start with the negative stuff, its best to get that over and done with. I have gone back to my extremely lovely pattern of sleep that seems to be nothing to 3 hours, 4 at a push. I feel that I am struggling with the emotional side of grief, so if I don’t seem myself that will be why. But hey thats why I do lots of things to try and keep my positive.

As you will all know I have setup my organisation – Cycle4Charities – this has really taken off and we have our first event coming up in March. Further to this, I have recently started a Memorial Fund in memory of my Dad, and as mentioned above – I have booked my skydive (when…Saturday 5th March – and yes as some of you will know that is my birthday) . Now this is where I do some pleading… I would like to be able to donate as much money to all three of my causes as possible (each getting a 33.3% share of the funds raised). Once again my three causes are – Dorothy House, Altzehimers UK and a ‘Build a School’ project in Kenya.

I would like to say a huge thank you to those of you that have already donated – now that I have my first event booked, I am able to promote my cause more and get more sponsorship.  Click here to download a sponsor form. Any amount big or small would help all three causes and would have such an impact on their work. Get your friends and families involved! I will be pushing the event more at school and will have sponsor forms available in the Futures building.  If anyone owns or think they know someone who owns a business and would like to provide a business sponsorship in return for logo’s on all branding plus other benefits drop me an email on manning.ben09@gmail.com to discuss suitability and requirements.

Now lets move away from all that business stuff. All of this is a coping strategy for me and I have realised that I use it all to cover up my feelings. I want to be more honest and transparent with you guys as my readers; and I know that I have said this a lot, but I am going to post more in 2016. I will not promote every post through Facebook, but I want you to know that I will be posting, all being well, every day. I appreciate that you guys might not want to read it every day, but for those of you that want to follow my blog when I do not promote it via Facebook, bookmark it or sign up for a free WordPress account and you will get a little email notification every time I post.  I will ensure a link to my blog is on my social media bios so that it can be read as you please. I do not expect comments and I do not expect feedback, but on a personal level, I have had enough of struggling to express myself and keeping things in. This is going to be my slate, my area to write my thoughts and feelings. I feel like 2016 is going to be a good year for my blog, Cycle4Charities and my fundraising. I want to share that journey with you all so I guess it starts here.

Day 1 – 15/02/2016

Today was the day, I visited the hospital for my issues that I have had with my joints over the last three years. I am awaiting further investigations, however they feel that it may well be a form of arthritis. At present that is all I know and I will update you as I get more information. Other than that the day was pretty positive, I went over to visit my grandad, taking him his christmas and birthday presents (I know the christmas presents are late; but still). It was such a warm feeling seeing his eyes light up as I walked through the door. As usual we had a chat about school and I listened to stories of years ago. We talked family and Dad, we had a tear together. But all in all it was a positive day.

Short, sweet and simple for today!

Finally…

I would like to thank all of my close friends who have supported me throughout all of my crazy ventures, my mum also for all the support. My family and even those who know me only professionally.

The main thank you is to my late, great Dad, without whom, I would not be in the position I am today for both the positive and negative reasons. I hope that I make you proud and I hope that you are still sleeping tight up there; until we can be together again!

To any of my friends, if you need me I am here! Or in the words of Marvin Gaye – “If you need me call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far!” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tepYJno7rU

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