School is tough!

Its been a while…yet again!

Hello everyone,

I know that it has been a long while since I last posted. Life has been very busy and as all my friends will be well aware, A-Levels have truly kicked in and free time is a true luxury.
I, like everyone in Post 16, am beginning to feel the wrath of the increased level of work! The stress levels are increasing week on week and free time seems to get less and less! Trying to relax is almost impossible and sleeping is also fun!

Now a quick one about the blog itself – I just want to thank all of you as my readers for supporting me and getting me through the last year and a bit. It is approaching 1 year since I started writing my blog and it has been one of the most sensible decisions that I have ever made. Being able to speak my mind, openly has helped me significantly and I would like to thank you all for reading my thoughts. As I have said before, I find it particularly difficult to vocalise my thoughts and letting all of my friends know by writing about it helps. So once again, thank you everyone.

The last year has been full of a lot of battles for me and I don’t know how I have got through certain parts of this year. There have been parts that have gone well and other parts that have made me want to give up on certain things! I am able to reflect on these moments are try and carry the techniques on that help me cope.

We are yet again approaching Christmas, and this time last year I was approaching what was going to be the most difficult one of my life and it was. I didn’t look forward to it last year, I was like Scrooge there’s no doubt about it. I know that I am still a grumpy specimen in normal day-to-day life and I am sorry for anyone that this effects.

I have now been without counselling for nearly 3 months and I know that my life is on an upwards trend. I am in a much more stable and calmer place mentally and I am feeling more able to cope with things. Better than I would have ever been able to cope before. I suppose that is one of the positive things to come out of my dads death.

Loosing my dad has revealed a few things both positive and negative, all of which I am understanding of and I am able to use to my advantage.

To the previous readers of my blog, you will remember Richard (those new here – Richard is the ‘DICK’ that I refer to as being in control of my feelings). Well I am pleased to say that Richard hasn’t reared his ugly head for about 3 months. I am glad to say that he seems to have backed away into his little cave and is no longer bothering me! I hope that he stays there because to be honest, I’d rather live my life without him.

There are many reasons why I am in such a positive mind frame and a better place. But one of the main reasons is thanks to my wonderful girlfriend Emily. She has been my rock and has helped me through everything. She has been resilient with me and has dealt with me when I have been grumpy and down, upset and miserable and sometimes a damn right pain in the ass. She has put up with me. She has helped me to keep my head above water and she has kept me smiling when things got tough! She is honestly the most wonderful girl in the world! She is perfect! She is beautiful and I am honestly the luckiest man because she is mine and I am so glad that she is! I would be lost without her!

My closest friends have also played a massive part in getting me through the tough times and they have also had to deal with me when I have been down. Everyone of them has been a incredibly good in supporting me. I may be off and sometimes not myself, but they realise that its nothing personal and always try and cheer me up! Thank you to all of you – you know who you are!

My mother has been a great support. We have argued and we have shouted at each other, but she has put up with me! She has been wonderful and I couldn’t wish for anything more. She has done so much and I know that sometimes I haven’t shown appreciation for this. I wish I had because without her support I would be lost!

Frome College have been incredible in supporting me throughout everything. I have a great support network of teachers and knowing that they are there for me helps me through the difficult days at school immensely and it makes the battle that bit easier. Thank you to the wonderful members of staff that have helped me.

My amazing theatre family at the Merlin – Matt (Tipper), Oli and Claudia – they have listened to me moaning, allowed me to vent my emotions/feelings and have provided me with a great distraction when I have been down. I am really looking forward to working on Little Mermaid – by the way, you should come and see this, it is going to be a great show!

Life is much better now I am hoping that it can only get better – the only way is up as they say. School is going to cause much stress and it will be difficult sometimes but I know that there are people much worse off than me!

I will keep blogging and I will try and post more regularly,although I know that I have said that before! I hope that I continue to piss the critics off too – I still get feedbacks from year 9’s and 10’s stood in the Car Park at Frome College saying that I am a self centred twat – well to you – piss off is all that I can say!

Cheers,

Ben


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