Dealing with it…

Today was a big step…

Today, I made the decision that I wanted to stop my counselling. Now you are probably thinking so what? Well it was such a big decision to make and it had to be made, but now I really feel that I have got my life on track and I am where I want to be. There’s no doubt that its taken a lot but now I am slowly getting there.

Lets track back…
Throughout the last year, I have been in some very unhappy and bad places both emotionally and mentally. Subsequently, that has had a large impact on my day to day life. I have done things that I regret. I have fallen out with people that I never wanted/intended to upset, I have drifted away from people and we are still drifted and I am blaming myself partly but I am also blaming the emotions of grief and the effect that they have. All of these things added to the unhappy places lead to a very hostile land in my head which can be very difficult to deal with and often annoys me.

It is almost as if I have had to battle with myself over the last year to maintain myself as a person, but I know that it is what my Dad would have wanted.

When I was getting into these negative places, it was very hard to get out of and can lead to so many feelings. BUT…when things get negative, you just have to stop and re-evaluate things. Look at the positive things that are in your life.

I have a wonderful Mum, the most perfect girlfriend and such an amazing group of friends. Furthermore I have a great group of peers that haven’t judged me or taken the piss for the things that I have done.

Today

Today started off with doubt – did I make the right decision about my counselling? Should I have stopped it? We then had an assembly that helped me with that doubt. I was sat there, listening to Mr Hain talk about various things including links with the Rotary Club, then he eyeballed me and I just knew what was coming next…I was incredibly touched by his description of me being Inspirational & Admirable however I would never use these words to describe myself – I just see it as me getting on with life! He presented me with my Youth Citizen of the Year award – it was such a happy moment and I am so thankful to everyone whom has helped me achieve this. However the thing that touched me the most was the round of applause I heard from my whole year group. But then came the congratulations from my peers and then those people whom I don’t speak to very often commenting on my blog and congratulating me for that! A day that I felt was actually going to be shit actually turned out to be one of the most uplifting and motivating days of my life. Lesson learnt – don’t judge a day by its morning.

Moving on…

I want to be able to continue to move on with my life. I would like to thank Ruth for the support she has given me over the last few months, she deserves a medal dealing with me. Furthermore I would like to thank the whole of Year 12 at Frome College for your ongoing support with everything – it means the world.

I would like to be able to try and repair any damage that I have caused. I want to strengthen the friendships that I already have and hopefully I will make some more. Now that I am not being counselled, I feel that I will have a need to write more and I intend to blog a bit more, I won’t be posting to Facebook about it all the time, so if you enjoy reading my blog, check by every few weeks for an update. Thank you to everyone who has made kind comments about my blog, it means the world to me that so many people enjoy reading about my progress. If you feel that I am an attention seeker, please do let me know, but don’t expect a response!

Sorry the post is a bit blabby and nonsensical, however its how my mind works.

I’ll be blogging again soon!

Ben

 

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