The First One…

Why isn’t life always kind?

To the many people that know me, I do apologise that you have probably been inflicted with all this before I decided that I was going to post it all in a blog, but I decided that it was a good way to cope with my loss.

But for you guys out there out there who don’t know the reasons why I am writing this blog, I will give you a brief introduction. Back in September 2014, I lost my dad to a very rare form of cancer, he fought a long and painful battle with the cruel disease (for any medical nerds it was a dedifferentiated liposarcoma) . So this blog is going to collaborate all the ups and downs of my life and my grieving process, in the hope that I can inspire others and also help people in a similar situation. They may also be the odd rant about other things that have annoyed me throughout my day.

So as I lay here, in bed, experiencing yet another sleepless night, after what has been a pretty rubbish day for me, I have many thoughts spinning around the vortex that is my brain. Primarily the thought of how much I miss my Dad, it is a constant pain, which nothing can sooth but it does ease over time. But also today how frustrated I have been today. A quick note those who haven’t experienced loss – during the grieving process, it is normal that the bereaved person experiences a variety of mood swings and sometimes the feelings that they experience don’t seem logical – you just have to support them though. 

When I awoke this morning, I just knew it was going to be one of those days and I was right, but I remained positive as I was going to be seeing my brilliant Counsellor…but it kind of went wrong there – some member of staff at School, who’s name shall not be mentioned, had told my councillor not to come in as it was the first week of term, but this member of staff didn’t think to tell me that she had done so. Now at this point some of you may be thinking ‘Well whats the big deal with that?’ but let me tell you, when you are grieving, you are vulnerable, you feel exposed, and when you have an opportunity to discuss your problems with a professional, it is something to look forward to, as they seem to have this power to make you feel at ease immediately. So as you can imagine, it annoyed me! I have a short temper at times anyway, but it really annoyed me and made me feel like rubbish for the remainder of the day. For those of you unaware of the Grieving Process – have a look at this…

I would consider myself in stages two and three of the process, however I will blog as I move through the stages of the process and I will talk about how I feel at each stage.

I could also say that I experience the different stages of the cycle at different points during my day and the process can be continual for a while. Luckily, I have been able to avoid the depression stage of the process currently, which I am thankful for as it is a horrible condition to experience.

But now for some advice. For those of you reading this, who have experienced loss of a relative or loved one, I would like to say that it is crucial to remember that grief is a process, not a task, this means that it cannot be rushed. You have to grieve at YOUR pace.
It is important to remember that you are going to have good days and bad days, this is perfectly normal. It is important that you talk about your feelings (At this point in the blog, some of my friends reading this would probably call me a hypocrite, as I struggle to talk about my feelings, but thats why I have decided to write this blog). Nobody can predict how you are feeling so it is important to tell them.

I recommend this to help…

Now for people who are supporting a bereaved person, here’s some tips on how you can help…

  • When a loved one has died, the bereaved person will be very vulnerable, and will often protect themselves, this can show as mood swings, but trust me they don’t mean it.
  • Telling someone ‘I know how you feel’ or ‘I understand how you feel’ is really really really frustrating unless you actually have the knowledge and experience of the very situation that the bereaved person is in.
  • Don’t be offended if your friend doesn’t feel that they can talk to you, again this is perfectly normal and often they won’t want to bother you with their issues.
  • If a friend feels like they can talk to you about their situation, you should feel incredibly humbled, it shows that the bereaved person has a lot of trust in you.
  • This is a very useful website: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-person.htm

So finally I would like to thank you for taking your time to read my blog. I will post again soon. If anybody has any questions at all please feel free to email me on: benjamin.manning99@gmail.com

Ben

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4 comments

  1. Sharyl · May 17, 2015

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    • benjaminmanning · May 31, 2015

      I am glad that you found the blog useful!

      Like

  2. Elouise · May 17, 2015

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    Like

    • benjaminmanning · May 31, 2015

      Thank you very much for you feedback, it means a lot! If you have any questions feel free to drop me an email!

      Like

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